Remarks from our Directors on Transgender Day of Remembrance

Remarks shared by Co-Directors Kris Pitts and Bre Danvers-Kidman at the 2024 Transgender Day of Remembrance vigil held at the Equality Community Center in Portland, Maine:

KP: Thank you for being here, friends. I’m Kris, Co-Director, along with my colleague Bre, at MaineTransNet. 

While I began just moments ago by thanking all of you for your presence, I want to clearly state: In a more perfect world, we would not be gathering today. Transgender Day of Remembrance is another reminder of the dualities that exist within each of us. As individuals -and with greater strength together- we are capable of holding space for the somber stoicism demanded by the loss of sacred and magical trans lives and the ongoing threat of violence we face for speaking our truths. Yet more importantly than stoicism, we are capable of centering the light and joy necessary to uplift one another despite this collective grief.

I want to acknowledge the resiliency of transgender and nonbinary folks. Our community is, at its core, resilient. And my hope for our future is that, above all else, the need to be so ceases to exist. We are resilient because of transphobia and systemic oppression - including misogyny and racism as our transfemme and BIPOC community members face increased risk. We are resilient because of repeated attempts to discount, disregard, and deny our humanity. And we are resilient because of attempts to silence us by any means necessary. Our resiliency is beautiful, and it is not a trophy, rather an armor we wear by necessity.

I thank you all, sincerely, for joining us today in setting this armor momentarily aside and feeling the weight of the love we collectively hold for the 358 known trans souls lost over the past year to violence, as well as the shared comfort we can provide to one another in this space.

To our allies in attendance, thank you for the ways in which you work to shield us. And to my direct community members, know you are seen, and valid, and enough.

BDK: Hi friends. My name is Bre Danvers-Kidman. I use they/them pronouns. I’m one of two codirectors at MaineTransNet. 

Today we remember the names of 358 trans people who were lost to violence at the hands of another in the last year. 

Today, we sit in community to share our collective grief and the heaviness of the landscape laid before us. 

I am going to admit that I have a very, very hard time in my life figuring out how to handle grief. This event is, for me, absolute peak social anxiety… because I am typically someone who supplants my grief. When I sense my brain shuffling things around to make space for grief, there’s always something more important, something more time sensitive. The grief will keep. If I stay busy enough, the grief will keep for so long that I won’t even recognize it when it finally manifests in my treacherous score-keeping body.

But I know I’m supposed to make space for grief before that. And here I am… standing here with all of you… and you are showing me how it’s done. I have deepest thanks and appreciation for the folks at PFLAG for their work organizing this event, which gave MTN some space to navigate the shockwaves the last few weeks.

Being here with all of you, bearing witness to our will to be here together to hold space for one another, to hold space for those we’ve lost, I am filled with immeasurable gratitude. It is Sunday afternoon and here we are, pouring our will and our hearts and our tears and our energy into the universe like a beacon to say “we love these people. We hold these people in our hearts.”

They say “grief is just love with nowhere to go” and maybe that makes us just a little bit lucky. Because I’ve never met a person–trans or cis–who couldn't use a little more love in their life. I’ve never met a person who couldn’t stand to feel a little less alone in their life. I've never met a person who wouldn’t benefit from trusting that they would be held no matter who they truly were. If we look around the room and on the screen, it’s clear that our grief–our love–has so many places to go. And here we are sharing it.

Our 35+ trans and nonbinary group will be meeting downstairs–informally following the event, with peer support facilitation from 3-5PM. I’ll be in the store until the crowd here dissipates, and it would bring me tremendous joy to have you leave here with something that brings you a smile today on the house, so please feel free to pop in if you’re not sure where your love goes at the end of this event, but it’s possible that scavenging a cute new outfit might be part of it. 

Above all else, MTN loves you. We are here for you. If you are experiencing violence in your home or relationships, we can connect you to support and resources. You are worth fighting for. There are going to be beautiful days ahead, and those are worth fighting for. 

We will never stop fighting for a world without anti-trans violence. If the weight of our grief can amplify the force of our love, I have to believe we will be strong enough if we come together.

Thank you for being here with us. If you have friends or loved ones who couldn’t join us today, please make sure to pass some of this love onto them.